American singer and actress Selena Gomez rose to fame after starring as Alex Russo on the Disney Channel television series Wizards of Waverly Place. The 30-year-old star recently addressed her bipolar disorder and how she battled it for years with suicidal thoughts but never did anything about them.
Selena's new documentary 'My Mind & Me'. The documentary, which is premiered on Apple TV+ on November 4, 2022, incorporates video footage from the last six years of the singer’s life and provides insights into her battles with mental strains and lupus and bipolar disorder.
Speaking with Rolling Stone for December cover issue, the singer shared she thought about taking her own life in past few years after suffering from bipolar disorder and psychosis.
“I thought the world would be better if I wasn't there,” said Selena, adding that she had never “attempted suicide”.
Talking about seeking therapy, the singer revealed that she “sought help at four treatment centres” for mental ailments including depression, anxiety and psychosis.
"I think when I started hitting my early twenties is when it started to get really dark, when I started to feel like I was not in control of what I was feeling, whether that was really great or really bad," Selena recalled, explaining that she'd waffle between manic highs and long depressive spells where she'd spend "weeks" in bed.
“It would start with depression, then it would go into isolation. Then it just was me not being able to move from my bed. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me. My friends would bring me food because they love me, but none of us knew what it was. Sometimes it was weeks I’d be in bed, to where even walking downstairs would get me out of breath,” she continues.
Although she never attempted suicide, Selena admits she spent a few years contemplating it, telling the publication, “I thought the world would be better if I wasn’t there.”
She admits she struggled to come to terms with how different her life was compared to how she imagined it would be when she was younger.
“I grew up thinking I would be married at 25,” she says. “It wrecked me that I was nowhere near that — couldn’t be farther from it. It was so stupid, but I really thought my world was over.”
Back in 2014, Selena Gomez entered a mental health facility after she was diagnosed with lupus and later revealed she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Later in 2020, the singer said to Elle Magazine, “My lupus, my kidney transplant, chemotherapy, having a mental illness, going through very public heartbreaks — these were all things that honestly should have taken me down.”
Selena further says that she has now discontinued her medicines as advised by her psychiatrist. "I had to detox from the medications I was on. I had to learn how to remember certain words. I would forget where I was when we were talking. There was no part of me that was there anymore," she said.