It’s a handshake, not a power tool.
Dubai-based Anna-Maria Lovelady, an etiquette coach and instructor, tends to form her first impressions during the first handshake itself.
“For instance, my former boss would clutch my hand in such a firm grip that it would hurt me, and I had to politely say, ‘Ow…’, for her to get the message. And it somehow matched her personality too, as she was really dominating and was always keen to let know who was really in charge,” recalls Lovelady, reports Gulf News.
According to Lovelady, a handshake is more than just a greeting—it’s a silent yet powerful conversation. “You can tell so much about a person and their feelings toward you through a simple handshake,” she explains. “It reveals confidence, affection, anxiety, dominance, or warmth. Sometimes, there’s a lot more happening beneath the surface, from professional dynamics to potential romantic interest. I find it a fascinating way to assess someone or even the nature of your relationship with them. It’s just a handshake, yet it speaks volumes—whether sealing a business deal or encountering a former lover.”
From firm grips to vice-like squeezes, even gentle, lingering touches, handshakes come in all forms, each one revealing something different about the person offering it. The truth is, the type of handshake you give says a lot about the nature of your relationship with the other person.
Nevertheless, a lot depends on your relationship with the person, and if you want to strike a good first impression with someone, a handshake is where you start. Just like Goldilocks’ quest for the perfect fit, a great handshake strikes the right balance—not too firm, not too weak, but just right. Let’s see if yours seals the deal or breaks it.
The confident handshake: Firm, but doesn’t crush you
A firm handshake with a balanced grip suggests confidence and professionalism. Lovelady explains, “It usually signals that you’re someone who can be trusted and taken seriously. It conveys respect and strength without intimidation,” she says.
Where it works best: Job interviews, networking events, business meetings.
The bone-crusher: Overtly firm and intimidating
A handshake shouldn’t hurt someone.
Abu Dhabi-based Sheryl Bose, a homemmaker, recalls a former friend who would grip her hand so tightly, which would leave her wincing for a while. “I told her so many times, to be careful, but she refused to listen. She thought that it was a sign of being firm and assertive, but I could always see the other person withdrawing their hand quickly.”
As Cindy Grammar, a London-based etiquette coach explains, regardless of whether you mean it or not, when you shake someone’s hand vigorously and hurt them, you come across as aggressive, dominant or a person, who is unaware of personal boundaries.
Some people believe that a strong handshake exudes power, but going overboard can backfire. If the other person winces or pulls away quickly, you might be unintentionally signaling dominance rather than confidence.
Grammar adds, “It backfires in social settings, first meetings, and professional interactions where collaboration is key.”
Tip: Adjust your grip based on the other person’s response. If they seem uncomfortable, ease up.
A limp handshake
During a job interview, a limp handshake will definitely give off an impression of disinterest, insecurity or lack of confidence. Grammar explains, “It can be interpreted as a lack of enthusiasm or even nervousness. It can make you appear passive or disengaged, especially in professional settings.”
Where it hurts you: Job interviews, business deals, and first impressions.
Tip: If you tend to offer a weak handshake, focus on engaging your fingers and palm fully in the grip. Even if you’re nervous, a bit more pressure can make a big difference.
The two-handed handshake
This is usually a fun, and warm one. It shows that you’re trying to establish a personal connection, explain both the experts. “This handshake involves using both hands, one to shake and the other to cup the recipient’s hand. However, it’s also subjective, people can sometimes judge it as overtly familiar or even manipulative if used in professional settings,” says Lovelady
Where it works best: Personal interactions, mentorship settings, or when offering condolences.
Tip: Save this handshake for when you have an established relationship with the person, rather than a first meeting.
The fingertip grab: Hesitant and disconnected
A handshake that barely makes contact often signals nervousness or uncertainty. “Maintaining eye contact is just as important. It reveals a lot about a person’s confidence and engagement,” says Grammar. “If a handshake feels hesitant or unsure, pay attention to their body language as well. Their reluctance will likely show in their posture and overall demeanor.”
Sometimes, a handshake where only the fingertips make contact can feel impersonal and detached. It may signal discomfort, shyness, or even a lack of confidence.
Where it sends the wrong message: Job interviews, leadership settings, business negotiations.
Tip: Extend your full hand and ensure proper palm-to-palm contact for a more engaging interaction.
The prolonged shake: Awkward and overbearing
Lovelady laughs, “This one’s a clear sign of someone trying just so hard. It’s someone who usually is trying to make a really good impression. These people usually come across as overtly eager, or even socially unaware sometimes,” she says.
A handshake should typically last around two to three seconds. Holding on too long can make the other person feel uncomfortable or trapped, adds Lovelady. “It’s a very unsettling feeling sometimes, crossing into personal space when someone doesn’t want to leave your hand.
Where it becomes awkward: Business meetings, professional introductions, formal events.
Tip: Pay attention to nonverbal cues. If the other person starts to pull away, let go naturally.
The handshake with eye contact: Engaging and charismatic
A handshake accompanied by steady eye contact speaks volumes about your confidence, attentiveness, and respect for the other person. It means that you are present in the moment, genuinely interested in the interaction, and self-assured without being intimidating. This type of handshake fosters trust and establishes a strong foundation for significant connections. “You feel that this person can be trusted,” says Grammar.
Where it works best: Everywhere—whether professional or personal. Grammar explains, “Whether you're in a high-stakes business meeting, a networking event, or simply greeting a new acquaintance, this combination sets the right tone. It helps in job interviews, business negotiations, client interactions, and even social gatherings where first impressions matter.”
Tip: Maintain eye contact but avoid staring. A brief, friendly look, for around 3 seconds, is enough to build a positive connection.
So, how to master the perfect handshake?
Your handshake is a silent ambassador of your personality, sending signals about your confidence, warmth, and social awareness. To make a great impression:
- Keep it firm, but not crushing.
- Engage the entire hand, not just fingertips.
- Make brief but natural eye contact.
- Be mindful of your grip pressure and timing.
- Adjust your handshake based on cultural and social contexts.
As the experts explain, a well-executed handshake can open doors, create lasting impressions, and even the tone for rich friendships. So the next time you reach out your hand, make sure it’s saying exactly what you want it to.
